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young blond boy looking smug holding his phone up wearing glasses and a blazer
The Belladonna

Layoff Announcement From Your High School Boyfriend

Kelley GreeneJanuary 26, 2023

Greener Pastures

People Who Have Made Less Concessions Than Kevin McCarthy

Kelley GreeneJanuary 18, 2023
Weekly Humorist

Weekly Humorist: Best of 2022 (Featured)

Kelley GreeneJanuary 2, 2023
Weekly Humorist

10 New Year’s Resolutions Jason Definitely Wants Me to Keep This Year

Kelley GreeneDecember 27, 2022
Weekly Humorist

Vegetable-Inspired Halloween Candy No One Wants

Kelley GreeneOctober 21, 2022
A screen capture from House of the Dragon on HBO, of the small council sitting around Viserys Targaryen and Rhaenyra pouring him wine.
Slackjaw

You’re Invited to a Targaryen Family Reunion!

Kelley GreeneSeptember 22, 2022
Greener Pastures

I, A Millennial, Have Come to Accept That I Am The Problem

Kelley GreeneAugust 26, 2022
The Belladonna

Excerpts From Our Toasts at Ben and Jen’s Wedding (Featured)

Kelley GreeneJuly 19, 2022
The Belladonna

Other Famous Pauls Warn That The British Are Coming

Kelley GreeneApril 18, 2022
Robot Butt

How to Cope With Not Being an Olympian While Watching the Winter Olympics

Kelley GreeneFebruary 18, 2022
Weekly Humorist

Rejected Friends Thanksgiving Episodes

Kelley GreeneNovember 23, 2021
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About Me

Kelley Greene is a writer, performer, and geek from Chicago, Illinois.

Twitter

Twitter
Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

went to a used bookstore to get out a little bit and take my mind off things only to hear two customers debating whether or not AI was used to evaluate laid off tech employees and this is why i have to get out of the bay area

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12:24 AM · February 3, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

Taking care of a human body is too much work

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7:01 AM · February 2, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

using your GPS in the south bay is like, "your destination is only 7 minutes away! just get on 3 highways, take 16 exits, and merge across 4 lanes of active traffic. easy!"

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9:14 PM · January 31, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

guys get mad at women for wearing makeup saying it falsely enhances their real features yet they are allowed to grow beards to make it look like they have chins

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7:34 PM · January 30, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

TMI - Too Much Internet: Here Comes The Big Wave! kelleygreene.substack.com/p/h…

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7:31 PM · January 27, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

damn, what am i supposed to do with all the office-related tweets in my drafts folder now???

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6:42 PM · January 27, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

Sometimes you just have to channel your layoff rage πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ thanks to @The_Belladonnas for publishing this one! thebelladonnacomedy.com/layof…

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6:37 PM · January 26, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

the thought i just keep coming back to with this layoff is that i should have stolen more office supplies

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9:11 PM · January 25, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

spokescandies waking up to being locked out of their email twitter.com/mmschocolate/s…

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4:40 PM · January 23, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

not me automatically waking up at 7AM this morning thinking i had to go to work pic.twitter.com/GHFfEB2aGD

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4:31 PM · January 23, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

why are people acting like disney is about to demo splash mountain with tnt when it's literally just new characters being put into the exact same ride

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6:38 AM · January 23, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

my discord took a few extra seconds to load earlier and my brain was instantly like "THEY LOCKED ME OUT I'M FIRED FROM DISCORD" so yeah just having a normal one over here

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11:28 PM · January 21, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

yep, exactly right @Carnage4Life! thanks for the share. twitter.com/Carnage4Life/s…

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5:55 PM · January 21, 2023
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