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Robot Butt

How to Cope With Not Being an Olympian While Watching the Winter Olympics

Kelley GreeneFebruary 18, 2022

Weekly Humorist

Rejected Friends Thanksgiving Episodes

Kelley GreeneNovember 23, 2021
2 Ho Ho Ho's

VampireFeast.com’s Transylvania Travel Guide for Humans

Kelley GreeneOctober 30, 2021
Greener Pastures

New Company Policies to Help You Keep Working During Historic Events

Kelley GreeneOctober 27, 2021
Robot Butt

10 Superstitions Guaranteed to Make Your Favorite Sports Team Win

Kelley GreeneOctober 13, 2021
Points in Case

The Sunnyside Senate Retirement Community is Here For Your Aging Senator

Kelley GreeneAugust 12, 2021
Greener Pastures

The Worst Thing Goop Enthusiasts Did During The Pandemic

Kelley GreeneJune 30, 2021
2 Ho Ho Ho's

Exciting Things to Look Forward to as Humanity Destroys the Earth

Kelley GreeneApril 27, 2021
The Washington Boast

I’m the Filibuster, And I’m Begging You to Kill Me

Kelley GreeneApril 15, 2021
Slackjaw

Let Me Tell You About My New MLM, The Borg

Kelley GreeneMarch 4, 2021
Medium

I am Moff Tiaan Jerjerrod and I Can Assure You That The Death Star II is Perfectly Safe

Kelley GreeneDecember 22, 2020
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About Me

Kelley Greene is a writer, performer, and geek from Chicago, Illinois.

Twitter

Twitter
Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

Former profession, but: Companies can pay to get their phone numbers off the “spam” list. You can mark them as spam in those protection apps all you want and they can pay to get off and start calling you again twitter.com/oneradchee/sta…

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2:55 AM · March 28, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

Cool so I’ll just never look at the For You feed again then pic.twitter.com/3cVr5LDH23

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1:56 AM · March 28, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

doing some chores* today! *accidentally making mustard gas trying to clean my shower

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8:19 PM · March 23, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

me hearing that the govt wants to ban tiktok pic.twitter.com/ULm3pANx6v

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5:58 PM · March 23, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

Everyone loves a fanboy!!! My peasant ass is in Ye Olde Time News today: Mayhaps the King Will Giveth Me His Favour if I Defend Him in a Conversation He Will Never Hear open.substack.com/pub/yotn/p/…

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5:07 PM · March 23, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

there are ice cream companies that sell boxes of treats with an odd number inside??? why are my husband and i having to cut an ice cream sandwich in half

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11:21 PM · March 21, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

Mayonnaise! (I’m sorry!!) twitter.com/MadScientistFF…

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12:44 AM · March 21, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

well well well look who's in here 😈 (it is me) ty @angryangryalice, you're the best! twitter.com/angryangryalic…

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6:44 PM · March 20, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

okay @stprice1 i'm like obsessed with watching survivor now, and i think it's your fault?? how dare you, but also thank you

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6:42 PM · March 20, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

twitter.com/Saahil_Desai/s… pic.twitter.com/s2fwmaYF0i

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4:34 AM · March 18, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

TMI - Too Much Internet: Créme de Yuck kelleygreene.substack.com/p/c…

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7:08 PM · March 17, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

i can't even count how many *hours* i was subjected to conversations during meetings about grilling and meat when all i wanted to do was talk about love island (and personally i believe i know more about that than they did about briskets) twitter.com/jmurffff/statu…

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6:22 PM · March 17, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

guess i have a reason to clean out my massive pile of bookmarks now

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4:09 PM · March 17, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

pic.twitter.com/iQLNhSRrO5

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8:30 PM · March 16, 2023
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Kelley Greene 🐀
Kelley Greene 🐀
@kelleygreene

twitter.com/TechCrunch/sta… pic.twitter.com/xVH9aNNKF0

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4:55 AM · March 16, 2023
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