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Robot Butt February 18, 2022

How to Cope With Not Being an Olympian While Watching the Winter Olympics

Weekly Humorist November 23, 2021

Rejected Friends Thanksgiving Episodes

2 Ho Ho Ho's October 30, 2021

VampireFeast.com’s Transylvania Travel Guide for Humans

Greener Pastures October 27, 2021

New Company Policies to Help You Keep Working During Historic Events

Robot Butt October 13, 2021

10 Superstitions Guaranteed to Make Your Favorite Sports Team Win

Points in Case August 12, 2021

The Sunnyside Senate Retirement Community is Here For Your Aging Senator

Greener Pastures June 30, 2021

The Worst Thing Goop Enthusiasts Did During The Pandemic

2 Ho Ho Ho's April 27, 2021

Exciting Things to Look Forward to as Humanity Destroys the Earth

The Washington Boast April 15, 2021

I’m the Filibuster, And I’m Begging You to Kill Me

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About Me

Kelley Greene is a writer, performer, and geek from Chicago, Illinois.

Twitter

Twitter
Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

went to a used bookstore to get out a little bit and take my mind off things only to hear two customers debating whether or not AI was used to evaluate laid off tech employees and this is why i have to get out of the bay area

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12:24 AM · February 3, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

Taking care of a human body is too much work

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7:01 AM · February 2, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

using your GPS in the south bay is like, "your destination is only 7 minutes away! just get on 3 highways, take 16 exits, and merge across 4 lanes of active traffic. easy!"

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9:14 PM · January 31, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

guys get mad at women for wearing makeup saying it falsely enhances their real features yet they are allowed to grow beards to make it look like they have chins

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7:34 PM · January 30, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

TMI - Too Much Internet: Here Comes The Big Wave! kelleygreene.substack.com/p/h…

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7:31 PM · January 27, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

damn, what am i supposed to do with all the office-related tweets in my drafts folder now???

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6:42 PM · January 27, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

Sometimes you just have to channel your layoff rage πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ thanks to @The_Belladonnas for publishing this one! thebelladonnacomedy.com/layof…

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6:37 PM · January 26, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

the thought i just keep coming back to with this layoff is that i should have stolen more office supplies

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9:11 PM · January 25, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

spokescandies waking up to being locked out of their email twitter.com/mmschocolate/s…

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4:40 PM · January 23, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

not me automatically waking up at 7AM this morning thinking i had to go to work pic.twitter.com/GHFfEB2aGD

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4:31 PM · January 23, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

why are people acting like disney is about to demo splash mountain with tnt when it's literally just new characters being put into the exact same ride

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6:38 AM · January 23, 2023
Twitter
Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

my discord took a few extra seconds to load earlier and my brain was instantly like "THEY LOCKED ME OUT I'M FIRED FROM DISCORD" so yeah just having a normal one over here

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11:28 PM · January 21, 2023
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Kelley Greene πŸ€
Kelley Greene πŸ€
@kelleygreene

yep, exactly right @Carnage4Life! thanks for the share. twitter.com/Carnage4Life/s…

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5:55 PM · January 21, 2023
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