Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

The irony of this spam text is not lost on me. pic.twitter.com/g5aJ5AkkRj

8:21 PM · April 9, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

Is this a bodega cat twitter.com/danajiru/statu…

9:16 PM · April 7, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

My anxiety level this week is at a 𝘴𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘺𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨...

8:25 PM · April 7, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

Wasn't Passengers a horror film tho

3:27 AM · April 7, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

I JUST GOT A VACCINE APPOINTMENT FOR NEXT WEEK! pic.twitter.com/Dkti1pBh3H

7:59 PM · April 6, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

"Kids, don't move" is the new "Today, you're 12" twitter.com/Sean8UrSon/sta…

7:06 PM · April 6, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

Me at the end of the weekend: I just need one more day Me at the end of a 3-day weekend: I just need one more day

3:41 AM · April 5, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

I assume that competition shows happening in person are properly COVID testing contestants/judges, or that people have been vaccinated, but please just tell me upfront so I don't have to feel anxious the whole episode instead of pretending like it doesn't exist kthx

3:00 AM · April 3, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

Please don't anyone try to do an April Fool on me tomorrow 🙏🏻

10:38 PM · March 31, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

My boss: How's the timeline looking on that project you're working on Me: My dad has been wearing a wire for the FBI

3:53 PM · March 31, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

Starting work on my post-Covid beach bod by ordering a cheese enchilada dinner for delivery

11:04 PM · March 30, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

Just waiting for my arbitrarily set "topic change time" to pass in my group chats so I can drop in some unrelated memes

5:36 PM · March 30, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

My motivation is stuck in the Suez Canal, attempting to re-route around the Cape of Good Hope

3:25 AM · March 29, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

An Instagram influencer in a cool outfit vs me trying to pull it off in my normal life pic.twitter.com/JQnQUkV802

2:05 AM · March 27, 2021

Kelley Greene

@kelleygreene

I've read this three times now and I laugh every. single. time. twitter.com/nerbingout/sta…

10:55 PM · March 26, 2021