The Hard Times

Rude! My Friend Invited Me to Meet Her Baby and the Baby Showed Up Completely Unprepared
Uninsured American Hoping Doctor Duets Their Video of Weird Rash Before TikTok is Banned
George R.R. Martin Admits “Winds of Winter” Delayed Due to Writing 8,000 Letters to Harry Styles
Sad: I Carried A Really Heavy Package All By Myself And No One Saw
How to Work Out Using Just The Crushing Weight of Your Own Existence
Duck With Corkscrew Penis Assures Girlfriend They All Look Like That
Woman Excited to Show Therapist Bo Burnham’s “Inside” Not On Spotify Wrapped This Year

Hard Drive

Here’s Every 1 Star Yelp Review of My Rollercoaster Tycoon Amusement Park
Cryptic Calendar Invite From Boss Blocking Fast Travel
Guy Ignores Eclipse in Favor of Destroying Vision by Looking at Screens 16 Hours a Day
Jesus Re-Release Widely Panned for Lack of Physical Media
All the CIV VI Leaders Ranked by How Well They’d Do in the 2024 US Presidential Election
Boeing Reminds Passengers Planes Are All Still in Early Access
Guy Exclusively Dating AI Already Has 3 .exe Girlfriends
I Put $50,000 in a Shoe Box and Handed It to a Stranger Because He Said He Could Get Me Into Helldivers 2
Home Seller Forced to Disclose Skibidi Toilet
New 50GB Baldur’s Gate 3 Patch Adds Single Extremely Detailed Dick Vein
Every Game We Spent Way Too Much Time Playing on the Family Computer Because They’re All We Had (Featured)

The Belladonna Comedy

The Belladonna Writers Speculate on Kate Middleton’s Whereabouts (Featured)
Birth Announcement From Your Friends That Live In A Bus
Layoff Announcement From Your High School Boyfriend
Other Famous Pauls Warn That The British Are Coming
Excerpts From Our Toasts at Ben and Jen’s Wedding (Featured)
The Belladonna Writers Share Their Summer Plans (Featured)

Slackjaw

Enjoy Your Flight Next To Me, The Worst Person On This Plane
You’re Invited to a Targaryen Family Reunion!
Let Me Tell You About My New MLM, The Borg

End of The Bench Sports

Guy Who Grew Up With Pool Table in Basement Surprisingly Bad at Pool
Aging Millennial Still Blaming High School Soccer for Tight Hamstrings
Fantasy Football Team Saves Best Performance of the Year for 3rd Place Game

Points in Case

Job Listings, Translated
The Sunnyside Senate Retirement Community is Here for Your Aging Senator

Ye Olde Tyme News

Mayhaps the King Will Giveth Me His Favour if I Defend Him in a Conversation He Will Never Hear

Weekly Humorist

Girl Scout Cookie or 1960s Businessman’s Nickname for His Secretary?
Father’s Day Grit Guide From 3M’s Sandpaper Division
Billboard’s Greatest Hits Rewritten By AI
Better Ways to Lay Off Employees Than Locking Them Out of Their Email
10 New Year’s Resolutions Jason Definitely Wants Me to Keep This Year (Co-Writer)
Vegetable-Inspired Halloween Candy No One Wants
Rejected Friends Thanksgiving Episodes (Co-Writer)

Robot Butt

How to Cope With Not Being an Olympian While Watching the Winter Olympics
10 Superstitions Guaranteed to Make Your Favorite Sports Team Win
Cavemen Quarterly Project Update

Greener Pastures

People Who Have Made Less Concessions Than Kevin McCarthy
I, A Millennial, Have Come to Accept That I Am The Problem
New Company Policies to Help You Keep Working During Historic Events
The Worst Things Goop Enthusiasts Did During the Pandemic (Co-Writer)

2 Ho Ho Ho’s

VampireFeast.com’s Transylvania Travel Guide for Humans
Exciting Things to Look Forward to As Humanity Destroys the Earth

The Washington Boast

I’m the Filibuster, And I’m Begging You to Kill Me

The Awkward Phase

A Teen With Baby Teeth