Greener Pastures

Satire pieces posted to the Medium publication Greener Pastures.

Greener Pastures

People Who Have Made Less Concessions Than Kevin McCarthy

Kelley GreeneJanuary 18, 2023

Greener Pastures

I, A Millennial, Have Come to Accept That I Am The Problem

Kelley GreeneAugust 26, 2022

Greener Pastures

New Company Policies to Help You Keep Working During Historic Events

Kelley GreeneOctober 27, 2021

Greener Pastures

The Worst Thing Goop Enthusiasts Did During The Pandemic

Kelley GreeneJune 30, 2021

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

if you want me to be excited about AI, make one that will sit on the phone with comcast

7:55 PM · May 22, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

calling it now: the sale to matsson goes through and mencken installs connor as ceo

3:26 AM · May 22, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

when someone asks me how my job search is going pic.twitter.com/6UPNePXBxQ

7:14 AM · May 21, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

trying to figure out how to explain to my mom that she has to say Abel Tesfaye now pic.twitter.com/w23IhfgiPL

7:42 PM · May 19, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

get on a domu ad 😎 twitter.com/biz_socks/stat… pic.twitter.com/8ailGhao3Z

3:18 AM · May 18, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

Starting the Dungeons & Dragons movie!!! So excited

12:59 AM · May 18, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

one time when used to do tech support for apple this old hippie called in having issues uploading a massive video over wifi. i asked him if he could plug in an ethernet cable and he said "no way. i'm not gonna be tied down by your kite strings, man"

5:15 PM · May 17, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

twitter.com/fckeveryword/s… pic.twitter.com/SPRBFCxkPZ

3:53 AM · May 17, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

i really appreciate the correction suggestions in google docs but please could you give me ONE SECOND TO FIX IT MYSELF BEFORE THE LIL POPUP THING COMES UP jesus christ

6:23 PM · May 16, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

can't cope with kendall saying "maybe the poison drips down" to a pregnant shiv 😭

3:15 AM · May 15, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

Connor Roy: Enough Already! is maybe the best campaign slogan i've ever seen

3:14 AM · May 15, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

it is time for me to come clean: i tried to play breath of the wild bc it looked so cool but i could never figure out how to go up the cold mountain. after 20ish hours i gave up, and am now too afraid to try the new zelda

5:57 PM · May 13, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

Not me driving in to San Francisco for dinner and forgetting a fucking jacket AGAIN

1:15 AM · May 13, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

me, my dad, and my brother acted in plays at her little local theatre in texas, now i'm just wondering how she was planning to take us out twitter.com/AmericanGwyn/s…

7:44 PM · May 12, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

This week's newsletter, in which I discuss my dresser refinishing saga (and in a tweet here which will surely be hidden and throttled because it contains the dreaded S*bstack link) kelleygreene.substack.com/p/m…

7:41 PM · May 12, 2023

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