weekly humorist

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

if you want me to be excited about AI, make one that will sit on the phone with comcast

7:55 PM · May 22, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

calling it now: the sale to matsson goes through and mencken installs connor as ceo

3:26 AM · May 22, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

when someone asks me how my job search is going pic.twitter.com/6UPNePXBxQ

7:14 AM · May 21, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

trying to figure out how to explain to my mom that she has to say Abel Tesfaye now pic.twitter.com/w23IhfgiPL

7:42 PM · May 19, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

get on a domu ad 😎 twitter.com/biz_socks/stat… pic.twitter.com/8ailGhao3Z

3:18 AM · May 18, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

Starting the Dungeons & Dragons movie!!! So excited

12:59 AM · May 18, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

one time when used to do tech support for apple this old hippie called in having issues uploading a massive video over wifi. i asked him if he could plug in an ethernet cable and he said "no way. i'm not gonna be tied down by your kite strings, man"

5:15 PM · May 17, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

twitter.com/fckeveryword/s… pic.twitter.com/SPRBFCxkPZ

3:53 AM · May 17, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

i really appreciate the correction suggestions in google docs but please could you give me ONE SECOND TO FIX IT MYSELF BEFORE THE LIL POPUP THING COMES UP jesus christ

6:23 PM · May 16, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

can't cope with kendall saying "maybe the poison drips down" to a pregnant shiv 😭

3:15 AM · May 15, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

Connor Roy: Enough Already! is maybe the best campaign slogan i've ever seen

3:14 AM · May 15, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

it is time for me to come clean: i tried to play breath of the wild bc it looked so cool but i could never figure out how to go up the cold mountain. after 20ish hours i gave up, and am now too afraid to try the new zelda

5:57 PM · May 13, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

Not me driving in to San Francisco for dinner and forgetting a fucking jacket AGAIN

1:15 AM · May 13, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

me, my dad, and my brother acted in plays at her little local theatre in texas, now i'm just wondering how she was planning to take us out twitter.com/AmericanGwyn/s…

7:44 PM · May 12, 2023

Kelley Greene 🐀

@kelleygreene

This week's newsletter, in which I discuss my dresser refinishing saga (and in a tweet here which will surely be hidden and throttled because it contains the dreaded S*bstack link) kelleygreene.substack.com/p/m…

7:41 PM · May 12, 2023